In progress..

I don't think I cried this much before. I din't remember crying desperately over something. The pain he gave me woke up feelings I couldn't name. Fear mixed pain with loneliness filled me. I never thought these feelings could be intense.

Giving up my everything for my family.
My job position that I worked so hard.
My comfort zone.
My life.

And him, giving up on me without a further explanation why.
Leaving me with uncertainity.
Giving me words that oppose to his action.

I don't know anymore..

So many what ifs.
So many question still lingering in my head seeking for answers. And I can't help it but to keep on my mind that 'everthing will be fine'.

I don't know where to stand.

All I need right now is a person that I can lean on when I am tired being strong.
.. a person who will be beside me when I am so fucked up but I have to deal with everything.
.. a person who will just hear me out without being judge.
.. a person who will hold my hand and hug me everytime my anxiety embracing me again.
.. a person who will just stand by with me whenever what mood am I.

Maybe..

I was born to be alone.
I was born to be independent.
I was born to stand alone.
I was born to be a strong woman for a reason.

But sometimes.. being strong makes me weak.

Oh God! This is not so me. Help me to heal. I have to get back my sanity.